When I’m in a bases loaded, two outs, bottom of the ninth with a one-run lead situation, I’ll take a step off the mound to evaluate things and see who’s coming up.

I feel a little bit nervous. It’s like a sick feeling in my throat and gut. It’s about fear, the fear of failing. But personally, the fear motivates me more than it hurts me. The fear locks me in. It makes me concentrate even more. It makes me focus on the batter, the guy I need to get out and win the game.

Also, I know how I’m going to feel if I get out of this situation and how I’ll feel if I don’t. What motivates me the most is knowing that if I do get out of this spot, I’m going to feel a lot better about myself. So the motivation isn’t just the relief of getting out of a tight spot, but the self-satisfaction and pride I’ll feel knowing that I got into trouble and then pitched my way out of it.

If we’re ahead and it’s the bottom of the ninth, this means we’re on the road. The crowd is always into the game in a situation like this, but it doesn’t phase me. In fact, it gives me more energy, more adrenaline. So, in a way, I use the crowd’s energy to pump myself up.

Once I’ve sized things up, I step back on the mound and look for the sign and location from the catcher. At this point, I’m so totally locked in, so totally focused that I don’t hear anything. I do a visualization thing. I visualize what I want the ball to do, what spot I want it to go to, and what I need to do to get the ball to that spot.

Part of this has to do with not looking at where I’m going to throw the pitch. I always feel that if I lock in too much on the catcher, focus too much on his glove, I’ll start to aim the ball. So I visualize in my mind what the pitch is going to look like. Once I go into my windup, I don’t see the catcher’s glove, the spot I’m throwing to, until I’m about to release the ball.

When I go into my windup, the only thing I’m aware of is where I want my arm to be. I visualize where I want the ball to go, but I try not to think of mechanics too much. If I start thinking too much, I get in trouble. However, there are certain keys in my windup, certain key points in my mechanics where I know that if I get there, I’ll have a better chance of throwing the ball where I want to.

Doing your mechanics right is a physical thing, but sometimes I get into a groove. I’ll just be firing pitch after pitch because I’ll be in that groove, that zone where I don’t think about mechanics, I don’t think about anything, just what the pitch is and where I need to throw it.

Once I’ve sized up the situation, I get the sign and location from the catcher and focus in on his glove. As I start my windup, I focus on my mechanics. Then, at the last second, I pick up the catcher’s glove again.

At the point where I release the pitch, I’m not thinking about or feeling anything. There’s just this release of energy. That’s it.

Shawn Estes is a pitcher for the San Francisco Giants.